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Those pics of Orson’s naked body and his massive black cock, made me really got crazy and very wet.Before saying goodbye, we arranged to meet again next evening.I felt so aroused that, before going to bed, I got a warm relaxing shower and masturbated myself under the water, just using my fingers, until I came crying in climax.Once in bed, I realized I was not done yet; so I pulled out my favorite black dildo from the drawer and inserted it very deeply into my soaking wet cunt. As I moved that huge rubber toy in and out inside my wet cunt, I imagined it was Orson’s magnificent cock…This time, after just five minutes playing, I came screaming loud and crying in pleasure tears.The next morning, my beloved husband called me.Victor wanted to know if everything was going well at home. I giggled, saying that it was fine and relaxed.So my loving Victor laughed, telling me if I had used the black toy.I also laughed, saying that I had done it; but tonight it would be different, since I would. I had a conversation with a friend that turned me on my ear. As I had stated in NOH I was extremely enraged at the Christian god for ignoring me. When I say enraged I mean the Hulk on a rampage would be considered slightly ticked in comparison. My friend who has walked through this entire mess with me said to me: “I know why God’s ignoring you.”Me:”Why, other than the fact I’m an asshole?”Friend: “You killed God. You’ve spent your entire life searching for wisdom. You’ve studied religion, magick, psychology, all of it. You killed your belief in god long before you ever got sick. When you faced that darkness you knew you were the only one there and that you couldn’t answer your own prayer.”Me: “Wait a minute, You’re saying I’m mad at myself?”Friend: “Yes.”I felt the truth of his words and it was like he had run me through with a sword. I was speechless. It took me a couple of days to process what he had told me. He was in fact, correct. In my heart, I had killed God. Nobody is home or.
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